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You Know You're From Maryland When...
You know more than 10 people who own boats and they
all park them at the same marina in Annapolis.
You can pronounce and spell "Pocomoke," "Mattaponi," "Accokeek," and
"Havre de Grace".
You prononce "Bowie" BOO-ie not BOW-ie or BAUW-ie.
1 hour is an easy commute to work.
You
have more than three recipes for crabcakes.
French fries just don't taste right without Old Bay.
There are more
than two crab places in your town.
Even your high school cafeteria made good crabcakes.
You got your first lacrosse
stick before you were six years old.
You call all turtles "terrapins".
You refer to your state as "Merlind".
Your
mother shops at Hecht's.
You still call Six Flags America "Adventure World", or even "Wild World".
You still
remember the Wild World commercial (Wild World's the cure for the summertime blues!).
You can tell the difference between
the smells of septic and marsh.
You not only know how to eat hard crabs but you also know how to catch them, cook them
and tell the males from the females.
You know perfectly well why Rehoboth is called "Little San Francisco".
You
think Salisbury is a big city.
You think of dumplings as wet slippery squares of boiled dough.
You and your boss take off of work when the fish are running or the
ducks are flying in.
You think of "Dairy Queen" as a pageant title and not a place to get an ice cream.
"Formal
wear" is a ball cap, a flannel shirt and Timberlands.
You still root for the Orioles even when they suck.
You'll
never understand why tourists come to DC.
When in Florida, you can only laugh when you see signs saying "Real Maryland
Blue Crab Cakes!"
You color with "Crowns", take a "Share" with "Wooter" and think the president lives in "Warshenton."
You
know the difference between Glen Burnie ghetto and Catonsville ghetto.
Your whole family lives within a 200 mile radius
of your town.
Dale Earnhardt's accident was a close personal loss to your father.
At least one man in your family
is a waterman.
You plan for "The Festival" a year in advance.
During the summer, you spend more time in Ocean
City than at home.
Your radio dial is stuck on 99.1. (Ha! Not anymore!)
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You
Know You're From Baltimore When...
Your car, no matter what year, has only three hubcaps.
You know a girl under 18 that has at least
two children.
Anywhere you go in the city you can see the two Television Towers.
People give you a ten digit
telephone number.
You know how to get anywhere on the MTA.
You can go 1 inch across the city line and know that
you're out of the city.
You've ever gotten 6 pieces of chicken for $1.99 that fit on one slice of bread.
Cops
constantly pull your car over if you have an orange Maryland Tag.
You've know where every Red Light Camera is.
You've
been to a church that is a reconditioned row house
You ignore every No Turn On Red Sign
You've wondered where
the Freeway between Franklin and Mulberry Street was supposed to go to.
You've been to the store ans saw someone buy
a 40, a pack of cigarettes, a roll of toilet paper and nothing else.
When the traffic light turns yellow you look over
to the right for a red light camera.
You've made it through downtown in 5 minutes.
You still have Super Bowl
35 Flags on your car. Raven 34 Giants 7.
You have a car sound system but no car.
A trip to Washington DC includes
a $13.00 Marc train Ticket.
You could be 20 feet away from somebody and they will walk in front of your moving car
to cross the street.
The further away from the city you work, the better the pay is.
It is Bawl-mer or Ball-tee-more
- not "Baltimore", depending on if you live north or south of Rt. 40.
You don't wash your clothes, you "warsh" them.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere, Baltimore has its own version of traffic rules.... "Hold on &
pray."
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Baltimore ... we all drive like that.
All directions
start with... "The Beltway...."....which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 6am to 11am, the
evening rush hour is from 1pm to 7pm... Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow
light you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase "Oh,
we're in GLIMBURNIE!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns
are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair and Buick’s have the right of way. PERIOD.
The
minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85mph, anything less is considered downright sissy.
If the humidity is 98+
and the temperature is 98+ it's May/June/July/August/September.
If it is 10 degrees, it is Orioles Opening Day.
If
it is 110 degrees, it is opening day at Ravens Stadium.
If you go to a football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the
"Ravens Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $7500.00 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc.
If some guy
with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during Preakness ... run over him! It's probably not his yard anyway.
HFStival
is not only a yearly tradition but it is one of the biggest parties of the year. (not anymore)
You understand that
Old Bay is essential to have a good meal.
Your entire high school senior class went to Ocean City for a senior week
and it was the best week of your life.
You can pronounce Havre de Grace.
You understand that the Terps and the
Ravens kick major ass.
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